I installed 2 air conditioners.

So I thought I could install a window air conditioner by myself. It is covered now covered in blood and my clothes are ripped but it is in the window! and not working.  Can someone please help me? Please.  

Not so much a crafty project, but installing a window air conditioner has proven to be one the most taxing projects I've ever done. I  installed the first air conditioner, after carrying it up 3 flights of stairs.  This did not go well. I ended up hurting myself pretty badly and it wouldn't work once it was in.  So then I returned that unit to Home Depot, thankfully with the help of JPB who carried the replacement up my steps for me.  This one was working and fine, although I blew a fuse and don't have access to the fuse box and my landlord is away for the weekend and I don't have power to my fridge.  Super.

Here are some tips for window air conditioner installation I learned and will share:

1) Don't do this alone, especially if you sometimes have difficulty opening doors or carrying groceries. You are weak; deal with it.
2) Don't spend the previous 3 days convincing yourself that your neighbor is sneaking in to your apartment so that when he offers to help you can accept it instead of quietly weeping and picturing Irreversible.
3) Eat and sleep. Unless you are an Olsen twin, both of these things are necessary to life, especially when trying to carry heavy things up the stairs. Doing both of these with regularity will probably also help with tip number 2.
4) Put cats in other room.  As helpful as it may seem to have your cat sit on the ac/instructions/window sill or have them bite the screw driver the entire time you are using it,  it really isn't helpful. Plus they will jump out the window the first chance they having forcing you to crawl out onto the bay window below wearing gym shorts and bra. Remember when you were embarrassed that your neighbor only ever saw you wearing sweatpants? This is much worse.
5) Wear clothes. This seems like a no brainer, but you wouldn't need an air conditioner if your apartment wasn't 94 degrees. There are things that stick out of air conditioners that will scratch you and then rip your underwear.
6) If, let's say, your boyfriend moves to Asia, maybe have him take all of his things with him, so when you are carrying an awkward, bulky air conditioner you don't catch a glimpse of his favorite candy bar wrapper, a parking ticket, and a pair of pants conveniently stashed under your bed.  This is an unhelpful distraction in an already miserable endeavor.
7) If tips 1-6 are not followed and you are reduced to a heap of sobs, covered in blood and shreds of under garments, don't answer the phone and announce this.  The person on the other end will not hear "my underwear are ripped and I'm covered in blood" and think "she must be installing an air conditioner."
8) Locate your fuse box maybe when you move in, not 15 months later.

Anyway, once I get my electricity back up, you are all welcome to sit on my bed to get some cool, cool air.